Phone Sex
by kieta-seraphim
Summary: Handsome Jack has his phone call interrupted rather pleasantly. (Mr. Torgue also makes an appearance.)


Title: Phone Sex

Author: kieta_seraphim

Band(s)/Fandom(s): Borderlands 2

Rating: M/NC-16

Paring(s): Dr. ZedxHandsome JackxDr. Zed and Torgue as a less than innocent bystander

Genre: Humor, Romance, smut, slightly AU

Warnings: sex, manxman, a loooooooooose interpretation of phone sex

Comments: This comes from my friend's remark, 'I want some phone sex' over Skype. I wrote this and sent it to him.

One shot/ chapters: One-shot

Summary: Handsome Jack has his phone call interrupted rather pleasantly.

Word count: 1218

Phone Sex

Jack twirled the cord on his office phone around his finger. "No...No." He interjected quickly into the one man tirade the individual on the other side of the line was going on. "The patent is ours and..."

The other cut him off and Jack pulled the phone away from his face and let out an exasperated sigh. Here he was supposed to meet someone for hot sex and he was being blithered to death by an idiot who clearly clueless about running a business of any kind.

His lips pursed into a thin line as he started contemplating ways to kill this mad scientist, cruelly and very slowly. Five more minutes of the torture and Jack determined that the conversation with Birkin wasn't going to get any better. Giving the man a hasty excuse he slammed the phone down on the receiver.

For a long moment, he glared at the phone as if daring it to ring again. Less than two minutes later it did. He picked it up. "What?" He snarled into the phone.

"Mr. Torgue for you." Blake was clearly too used to Jack's outbursts by now. He would have to remedy that fact sometime in the very near future.

"EXPLOOOOSIONS!" Was the first thing Jack heard as the call was transferred through to him. He was about to say something to the other man when Torgue beat him to it. "HEY JACKY I NEED SOME ADVICE."

Jack winced and pulled the phone away from his face. Torgue really needed a volume dial. Jacky? Who called him that? He let it go for the moment in favor of finding out what in Hyperion's name Torgue would want advice from him on. "You came to the right place."

There was a moment of silence and Jack wondered if Torgue was reconsidering. That would have been a bummer. "I NEED SOME ADVICE ON WOOING A VAULT HUNTER!"

Another wince as Jack had put the phone back to his ear in order to answer the muscle bound man. Pressing the speaker button on his intercom, he set the receiver down on the base. He should have done that from the moment he'd heard it was Torgue he was going to be on the phone with. "Which of the vault hunters?" He'd hear of those five new treasure hunters that had appeared looking for that long lost vault of treasure. He'd started calling them the vault hunters for the treasure they were after, apparently Torgue had picked up that habit too. And if Torgue could actually manage to woo them, he had dibs on the commando. He had plans for that one.

There was a short pause. "ALL OF THEM." Was Torgue's reply. Jack wasn't surprised, in Torgue's place he couldn't imagine thinking much different. "JUST ONE OF THEM COULDN'T HANDLE ALL OF THIS." Jack imagined Torgue was gesturing to himself on the other side of the phone. He didn't need that mental image or the image of the vault hunters trying to handle any part of Torgue.

"I can imagine." He muttered, not quite loud enough for Torgue to hear as he leaned back in the chair. "The explosions aren't working pumpkin?" Rhetorical question really, Torgue wouldn't have been calling if his usual methods of loud guitar solos, and explosion noises made with his mouth were doing any good. Sometimes he just liked listening to Torgue ramble on nonsensically.

"NO..." The rest of Torgue's shout was lost as Jack felt fingers on his bare thighs and a warm, moist heat envelop his cock. "...I MADE THIS REALLY GREAT EXPLOSION NOISE AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN FLINCH." Torgue says before imitating the sound he'd made before.

A groan escapes Jack's lips as a tongue drug its way up his length before dipping into the head of his cock. He bit down as he reached out to grasp the phone, effectively turning the speaker button off. "YEAH SEE. YOU LIKE IT!" Torgue shouted on the other line and Jack almost wanted to burst his bubble but that tongue was doing wicked things to him. "TELL ME JACKY, WOULD THIS EXPLOSION SOUND BE BETTER?" He made a different explosion noise, but honestly Jack couldn't have told the difference if he and Torgue had been face to face let alone with someone giving him a blow job.

"Yeah, just like that." He moaned out, snaking a hand to fist in the hair of whomever was giving him that blow job. He shifted as Torgue said something unintelligible in the background. Jack's tongue flicked over his lips as he shifted his hips, biting down on his bottom lip.

Jack's eyes close and he can feel teeth lightly scraping at the underside of his cock, teasing. He whimpers out his protest as he feels the warm heat starting to move away. The tip of his cock is being enveloped once more and he cant help but groan.

His fingers tightened the grip on the other person's hair, just as they curled tighter around the phone and he ignored the protesting crack the phone made, he could just buy another one. "Please..." He moaned out as the heat enveloped more of his cock, eventually deep-throating him with ease. Hollowed cheeks sucked him in even more and it didn't take much more coaxing for Jack to come with a gasping moan.

He spent a few seconds laid back in his seat, panting before reality crashed back down around him. "...AND IT WILL BE ABLE TO GET THEM OFF TOO." Torgue was saying and Jack blinked heavily as he opened his eyes to look down at between his thighs.

Sitting there looking like the cat got cream was Dr. Zed, licking the fingers of his gloveless hand clean. Jack reached a hand out, grasping at Zed's collar and tugging the other man up for a deep kissing, tasting himself on the other's lips. They pulled apart for air when Zed slunk back in his lap, giving him a sly smile as he got to his feet. The white lab coat swished in his wake tantalizingly as he all but sashayed out of Jack's office. Jack leapt up to follow, the pants around his knees and the phone practically glued to his fingers with the force he'd been gripping it stopped him. "Torgue, I'll call you back." He said effectively cutting off whatever else the other man had been about to say. Jack quickly pulled up his pants, hung up the phone and pushed himself away from his desk. The Hyperion CEO stumbled after the good doctor, the rest of his business meetings forgotten.

Fin.

This is what I get for writing smut in a starbucks.

And this is me contemplating writing the part where Jack catches up to Zed.

As always comments and constructive criticism are loved.


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